More Pedantry

A couple of days ago I went with my daughter to a large Essex shopping complex - the one on the bank of a stretch of water. They have opened up a children's play area and so we went in. In a soft play area for small children there was a sign asking that you shut the gate. Unfortunately it was addressed to "Mummy's and Daddies". Oh dear! If you're going to get it wrong, get it completely wrong!

If you go there and the children are ensconced in playing, try reading the snack bar menu. If you can ignore the fact that Every Word In A Sentence Begins With A Capital Letter, then you can have fun spotting the apostrophe errors; i.e. the ones present that shouldn't be and the ones not present that should be. You could also try spotting the spelling mistakes. For instance, we decided "chessy" was a spelling mistake and meant "cheesy" (unless it was chestnut flavoured ...).

Well, I suppose it doesn't matter that our children are exposed to all this general lack of correct English. After all, this week we hear they may well do away with boring things in the national curriculum like Victorian history and have lessons in "twittering" and blogging instead. And in those worlds, spelling, grammar and so on play no part at all.

But back to that sign I started with. Surely (ignoring the grammar) it is politically incorrect. After all, I was a grandad and I was not mentioned. So I think it ought to be worded as follows:

To all mummies, daddies, grandmas, nannies (who prefer nanny to grandma), grandads, carers and all who are 'in loco parentis'

Has that covered everyone?

A Tribute to Mums

It used to be said that the definition of an intellectual person was someone who could listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. If that means nothing to you, then you are young!

I think we'll have to revisit that definition because of the "Mom Song" that has been written to that music. It was played to us in church yesterday as it was Mothering Sunday.

It is absolutely brilliant! If you've not heard it, go to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5z4ZsA6X9fA

I've sent it to my daughters. They are no longer the recipients as they left home long ago, but they are beginning to be the givers ...

Public Service Blogging

Two things you should know. Firstly, the change to British Summer Time is next weekend (28/29 March). They go forward, which means we lose an hour's sleep. So don't forget - especially if you are in Barnet and are going to hear me preach at Underhill! We don't want you wandering in late, do we?

The second thing is this: postage rates go up from 6 April. This means an ordinary letter stamp will cost 3p more (both 1st and 2nd class). So go out now and buy books of stamps at the current price! As they don't have the postage amount, just "1st" or "2nd" on them, you can continue to use them after 6 April.

Public service blogging for you!

Crossing update

Clearly I must be setting the news! What I blogged yesterday hits the Brentwood Weekly News today! The tale of the zebra crossing (below) is included in the front page headline story, Signs still waiting to be plugged in. It appears EDF Energy have a number of works to be completed around the Borough.

Unfortunately the Council spokeswoman fell into what I call "Reportspeak" where silly new words replace words we have used quite happily for many years. She said the zebra crossing and other works "are so near to being delivered". Wouldn't 'completed' have been better than 'delivered'? How do you 'deliver' a zebra crossing anyway? On the back of a lorry? Or even on the back of a zebra?

To cross or not

Here's an interesting thing - well I thought so anyway. As you can see from the picture, it's a pleasant view. There's are park on the right and some nice houses on the left. And to get from one to the other - a zebra crossing. EXCEPT, notice the signs! They read "Crossing not in use" (see picture below for a close-up).

You may be forgiven for wondering how a zebra crossing can't be in use. Well, I'll tell you. It's just been put there and the Belisha beacons aren't yet working. EDF Energy, bless them (well someone needs to!) say they have such a backlog of work, they haven't got round to it yet. It has to be said this must have been the case for at least three weeks.

But here's the problem. Does it mean you mustn't cross there? And if so, where DO you cross? A couple of metres up or down the road from it? Or do you throw caution to the wind and cross there anyway? Or do you just wait and only go to the park in a month or so's time, when the crossing is working?

These problems keep me awake at night, you know! Or maybe it's just too much coffee ...

One accident too many ...

My wife had a DVD sent to her in the mail, as she is a teacher. It's from the Health and Safety Executive and it's about how to prevent "slips and trips".

The picture shows how it arrived. Unfortunately, as you can see, it had an accident in the post ...

How's that for a slipped disc?

Random observations

Whilst in Brentwood today I noticed the sign in a shop window, that you can see to the left. The question that came to mind was, "Why the quotation marks?"

It's an increasing tendency to use quotation marks when they are not needed. So in my pedantic way, can I plead for people to not use quotation marks if they are not quoting from someone or something. It's quite simple really!

Then I bought a packet of sugar and I love the label! This is taking "serving suggestion" to the extreme - a sugar bowl and sugar spoon, each with sugar in it. I suppose they would say that people might assume the bowl and spoon were included if they didn't put those words in. All I ask is, "Has the nation's IQ dropped that much in recent years?"

On the other hand, my grandmother said that a picture is worth a thousand words. But what about those pictures that supposedly give you instructions? At the moment I'm often loading the washing machine. It's taken me months to work out what those silly symbols on clothes mean. I think I now know whether or not to tumble dry and whether you can dry clean a garment, but I'm not sure!

And take the long life bulb we recently purchased. The side is pictured below. Now I understand the two ticked boxes, but what on earth does the one with the cross mean? Is it, "Don't use when you are wearing black and white headphones"?

It's been suggested it means you can't use the bulb on a timer. Well, that's possible, but if that's the case, I've got a novel idea! Why not just write on the packet, "Do not use with a timer."

Or maybe even a picture of a timer connected to the bulb and the words, "Not a serving suggestion." Without the quotation marks, of course.