You couldn't make it up ...

I read earlier this year that Cadbury has patented the colour purple; the shade that appears on their milk chocolate wrappers.  How on earth can a colour be patented?   What IS that all about?

Last year's packaging.

Well, we can see what it's all about.  The Meaningful Chocolate Company (who produce Easter eggs with the Easter story on the box and last year produced chocolate Christmas tree decorations with nativity scenes) have been told by lawyers to the multinational conglomerate who swallowed up Cadbury recently that they must re-design their packaging for Christmas this year using a different colour.

The Bishop of Chelmsford has apparently told Cadbury, "not to be so precious about purple".

However, the company have changed their design to "warm red". 

If you think this is all rather preposterous, you know what to do when you next fancy some chocolate...

A Special Day

What's special about 15 November this year?  Do you know? (be honest!)

Well, in case you didn't know, let me tell you.  It's election day, not for MP's, MEP's or local councillors.  No, it's to elect your local Police and Crime Commissioner.  If you knew that, no doubt you know who you will be voting for.  I'm looking up the web site for my candidates so I can decide ... Oh dear!  We can't find out until 26 October.  Still, only six days to go ... I'm not sure I can contain my excitement!

Seriously though, why, after nearly 300 years since Sir Robert Peel did his stuff, do we now need these Commissioners?  I've no idea, and that's after watching the advert telling me to vote!

By the way, the elections are estimated to cost £75 million.  And I thought we were in a recession!  It just goes to prove that the government will spend money on what they want to spend it on, whatever the size of the national debt.

Harvest Festival at Sainsbury's

This weekend Sainsbury's are suggesting customers buy an extra food item and then donate it after checkout into one of their "Million Meal Appeal" collecting boxes.  This is to give meals to disadvantaged people in the UK through the charity FareShare.

Of course churches have been doing this for decades!  It's called Harvest Festival and most churches encourage people to bring tins and packets of food which are donated to a local charity who helps the homeless or other vulnearble people in our society.

So, well done Mr Sainsbury in catching up to what Christians have been doing for ages.

Hang on minute!  This is all good profit for Sainsbury's!  I have an idea.  Buy a tin of something at another supermarket (preferably one of their own brand items) and whip into Sainsbury's and put it in their collecting box.  They can't complain as it's going to a good cause, can they?

Swearing and the meaning of words

In one of the ongoing news items about Andrew Mitchell and his behaviour towards the police when they wouldn't let him through that main gate, it was reported he admitted he did swear, but not at the police, rather he swore in frustration.  So that's alright, then.

Now when a pupil swears in class, he's not swearing at the teacher, but in frustration that he can't do his work, and, clearly, that must be OK also.

While we're on education, Mr. Gove seems to be changing the meaning of words.  He says that it's not good enough for teachers to be 'satisfactory', they must improve.

So, here's the lesson, "Satisfactory" means "Unsatisfactory".  All clear now?  If you're frustrated about this, it's OK to swear, as we've seen!

Songs aint wot they used to be!

Last week was my wife's birthday and I gave her a card which included "20 hit songs from the year of her birth".  To my surprise I knew nine of the 18 artists (two had two tracks each) and 6 of the songs.  Names like Dizzy Gillespie, Tommy Dorsey, Frank Sinatra and Doris Day.  Although I have to admit I'd not heard of The Metronome All Stars or even Molly O'Day!

Then I thought I'd see how many of the current Top 20 songs and artists I knew.  Three people I'd heard of, but none of the songs.  OK, so I've drifted away from popular culture over the years!

But then I noticed, further down the list, at 27, Gerry and the Pacemakers with You'll Never Walk Alone!  In the current charts for obvious reasons given the Hillsborough report recently published.

So I'm not completely divorced from popular culture!  In fact I can remember having the sheet music of the song, which I could actually play on the piano - then.  Maybe I could, still.  Now where might that sheet music be after all these years?...

Cholesterol - result!

As I blogged last week, I went to have a cholesterol test at Sainsbury's pharmacy.  I've been asked to report the result and it's good!  The reading was 3.82, and that was without fasting beforehand.  Under five is what they want.  The ratio of good to bad cholesterol was 4.0 and again that should be under five.

So, a good result.  The only  slight problem was you were informed that the pharmacist may well give you advice on your diet.  He asked me if I exercised regularly; I said I did, in fact I'd cycled down to Sainsbury's for the test!  I felt he thought he ought to say something, so he asked how much red meat I ate and said I could cut down a little on that.  I also admitted to having a cheddar cheese sandwich most lunchtimes and of course hard cheese isn't good for your cholesterol count.  But he did admit that given my reading, my body must be processing it well.

So I felt a little sorry for the man, bless him!  He wanted to say something but couldn't find much to say!

In the meantime I've just received a letter from our doctors inviting me to have a free 'flu vaccination.  Now I've reached the ripe old age of 65, I'm considered "at risk".

You can either drop in to one of their clinics to receive the vaccination, or send back a form to the surgery which has the line.  "I have been offered a free 'flu vaccination this autumn.  I refuse this offer."

It seems rather abrupt to say I refuse the jab, so I'm going to write a short letter to them thanking them for their concern, but I'm only just 65, I seem to be in good health (I had a recent check-up by the nurse), I exercise regularly, and (of course!) have a low cholesterol reading.  So as my bit to save the NHS money, I will let them give my 'flu jab to someone who needs it more than me.

Now that's so much nicer than saying I refuse the offer, don't you agree?  And it feels good to be doing my bit to help the NHS debt burden!

OCD ing

I was in a certain sports shop in Brentwood yesterday.  Someone in front had bought a load of sports gear and paid in cash with £20 notes.  (I was buying a swimming costume for my wife for £4 - I'm not in the same league!)

Anyway, when I went up to the assistant she was sorting out the £20 notes.  I made a comment about counting all her money and she said that wasn't what she was doing, she was sorting them out so that they were all the same way round.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that ...

Gently goes it, or not

Did you see Inspector George Gently last night?  All about police corruption.  I was shocked.  All the more to find that nice Inspector Lewis was in fact the worst of them all!

(You have to have watched it to understand that - and if you haven't watched it yet but intend to, I've spoilt it for you - sorry!)

Cholesterol test

Our local Sainsbury's is doing free cholesterol tests.  As I've never had one before, I thought it would be a good idea.  The first time I asked, the machine wasn't working.  The second time I went in, I found I had to make an appointment.  But that was OK, she filled in a card to give me, as you can see.  She wrote the date and time and the store name in first, then looked back at the appointment in order to write my name.

As she wrote my name she said, "This is just a reminder."  I had to bite back my tongue to stop me saying, "That's OK, I think I'll remember my name!"

But come to think of it, that way things 'disappear' after I put them down and it's a full scale search to find them, maybe I might need that reminder...

The Great Parade

We went to see the Olympic & Paralympic parade in London yesterday.  Plenty of cheering and clapping and photos taken!  It was a great ending to a summer of awesome sport.  Below are a couple of pictures; Aled Davis whose picture further down I took when he received his bronze for the shotput and Rebecca Adlington.

More than one person has said to me that although they weren't that bothered about the Olympics before they started, once they began they were glued to the tele like most of the rest of the nation!  And I think we've all been inspired by the Paralympics.

The one problem, who will get Sports Personality of the Year?  Mo Farah? David Wier?  Jessica Ennis?  Sarah Cockcroft?  Jonnie Peacock? What about Bradley Wiggins who won the Tour de France?  And what about Andy Murray who's just won his first Grand Slam!?  I've just remembered Ellie Simmonds...  The list goes on! 

I think we need multiple Sports Personalities of the Year!

A Meal Out

We went out for a meal to Prezzo this evening.  Why Prezzo?  Tesco vouchers, of course.  I happened to notice we were probably the oldest people there by some margin, save, perhaps for one other lady, probably out with her daughter.  There were plenty of young couples and a number of "girls' night out" groups (it was Friday evening).

We loved it!  Although, of course, it gets a bit noisy.  The conversation goes something like this:
"It's getting rather noisy in here!"
"I can't hear what your saying, it's so noisy in here!"

Apart from that, it was a very enjoyable meal, after all, who wants to be surrounded by oldies?  Furthermore, we were able to do what the rest couldn't; on leaving the restaurant we caught the bus home for free with our bus passes!

Musing on the Summer of Sport

It's been an incredible summer of sport and a great celebration of being British!  As the people sitting next to us at the Olympics water polo said, "We got it right!"  The park, the ambiance and of course the sport itself!  It also needs to be said that we hardly ever a found a queue for the loo and we never had to queue very long (if at all) to buy a drink.Well done, Seb and your team.

Earlier this week Oscar Pistorius made headlines for his comments about Olivera's blades but later on he apologised.  Yesterday, in the 100 metres, although he only managed 4th place, he was the first to congratulate the winner, our own Jonnie Peacock, and in his post-race interview he was clearly pleased for Jonnie and said it was a blessing he himself had been able to come 4th.

Sadly those actions and remarks didn't hit the headlines, but that's the way of the news media.

For those of us fortunate to have been able to attend the Olympics and/or Paralympics, we must be grateful to G4S.  Because of their inability to provide the manpower they had been contracted to do, troops were moved in.  We met them as we went through security and they were polite, friendly and efficient.

What would it have been like if G4S had done it?  I leave you to imagine.

Lively yoghurt

I see from my organic bio-live yogurt (that's the way they spell it), it is suitable for vegetarians and contains live cultures. 

Which begs the question, should vegetarians be eating live cultures?

Our day in Stratford

Had a great day at the paralympics on Friday! We were in the athletics stadium and have the photos to prove it! On the right is the BP photo opportunity they give you if you allow them to offset your carbon footprint to the games.

We were sitting near where they present the medals and we saw Aled Davies win bronze in the shotput.

It was a great day out, a fantastic experience in the stadium and the tickets were only £5 each!  AND that included a Travelcard, valid from Brentwood, so travel cost us nothing!

You suddenly realise that "disabled" is completely the wrong word to describe the competitors as they are able to do many things I can't!     Still, I need to keep in shape now I've retired.  Maybe I'll just go for a cycle ride.  But I need a cup of tea first!

Pedants anonymous

I know I'm being picky, but the sign in the car park at Orford Ness say "Have you Paid and Displayed", as in the photo. Now  why is there a capital letter on 'Paid' and on 'Displayed'?  And, where exactly is the question mark?  Come on, official sign writers, pull your socks up!

And another thing... why do so many people have to add 'today' at the end of a question?  At Sainsbury's cafe I was asked, "Have you got your Nectar card today?"  The word 'today' is superfluous.  She also asked, having ordered a cup of tea, "Would you like anything to eat today?"  To which I wanted to say, "Yes, but at home tonight!"  But I didn't, as she probably wouldn't have understood, and, to be fair,  she's probably just following the script.

Not an ordinary vase ...

I'm pleased to say the only thing that got broken during our move was a glass vase.  So we decided to buy another one to replace it.  But this wasn't just an ordinary vase, it was an M&S vase!  And, as the label stuck on it said,  "We're bringing you innovations in handmade glass technology.  Non-stick coating for easier cleaning and drying."

Sounds wonderful!  The only trouble was, I took me an age to peel the label off the "non-stick" surface!

The perils of moving house

As you may have gathered, we've moved house and for a period of time had no telephone or internet access.  So we wrote to our respective car insurance firms to notify them of our change of address.  Although different companies, - esure for me and Sheilas' Wheels for my wife - I noticed they were both at the same address.

NINETEEN days later they wrote back to say we must ring them as they don't accept notification of change of address by post (?!?) and so we may not be insured!  And guess what - they sent the letters to our OLD address, which they knew we were not living at.

Oh, and by the way, when you DO ring up and the change goes through, they charge you and administrative fee of £25.  That's even though I was paying for the phone call!

Back in business

We've now moved house and now at last we have a land line and internet access - it only took BT nearly a month to "fit us in"!

And on reading the newspaper the day after we were connected, I read that MP's are trying to get out of paying some taxes.  Yes, I know you're amazed!  Apparently, when they hire an accountant to fill in their tax forms they think the fee they pay should be tax deductible (it isn't for any other employed person).  The so-called "Independent" (quotation marks mine) Parliamentary Standards Authority think MP's shouldn't pay tax on the fee and are arguing with HMRC over it.

But that's not all, the "Independent" Parliamentary Standards Authority, when they think there's a tax MP's shouldn't pay, they pay it for them.  Which actually means WE pay it for them!  Can other people have an "Independent" watchdog that pays taxes for them??

AND, is the tax paid by IPSA for MP's a taxable benefit?  I bet it isn't!

Attention flagging?

Oh dear!  They showed the South Korean flag on the giant screen when it was North Korea on the pitch!  Did the person in charge of the screen miss day one of the flag recognition course?  Given the degree of 'friendship' between the two neighbours it was fairly disastrous.  I wonder if anyone today is looking for a "New Korea"?  (best to say that out loud to get it, by the way).

And another thing, whilst we're talking about the Olympics.  I read in the paper that half of our athletes won't be out at the opening ceremony.   Now I've done no research on this, but wasn't the idea that the opening ceremony was about the contestants from all the countries parading together to start the games?  But now there's so much emphasis on the 'extravaganza' that the fact that 50% of the athletes won't even be there doesn't seem to matter.  Sad, really, isn't it?

And finally, in honour of the games, I'm thinking of changing our answering machine so it kicks in after five rings ...

Retiring, but not shy!

Hi everyone!  I've just retired so I've dcided I ought to start blogging again!  Having said that, we are moving house soon and BT can't come and fix up our new telephone line until 20 August, so I can't do much until then.

It's was quite an emotional weekend, especially with a special service at Laindon on Saturday, where people from previous churches spoke; then on Sunday, a baptismal service, which was a very exciting way to end my ministry at Laindon.

There was a retirement cake, of course, which had decorations including an armchair, slippers and a Bible.  The previous week I'd had a birthday cake and the decoration on that was a vicar!  So we thought we'd sit him in the chair - see picture!

Unfortunately as we are moving house, there's not a lot of sitting around at the moment!

P.S. I know I need to update my profile, it's in hand!